Well here we are. The last weekend of self isolation. I'd planned to do a blog a day but it turns out that's quite hard when you're filling your days with sod all.
So what has two weeks in our own company taught us?
-Despite being blissfully unaware of the clear and present dangers in today's society, some of the key messages are clearly resonating with my children, demonstrated by Isla telling her barbie dolls to "stay the fuck at home". Yep. Perhaps one too many Facebook posts opened and frantically closed again with little ears nearby. Shocked and alarmed, I did the only sensible thing and immediately blamed Andy.
-I can domestic goddess the living daylights out of baking. Who knew.
-I'm not a teacher. I don't want to be a teacher. I'm incapable of being a teacher. Andy thinks he's a teacher. Andy isn't a teacher. Unless teachers shout a lot and only work 12 minutes a day before declaring it's time for a beer.
-Four year old girls can be hormonal. For example; "OK all nice and clean, time to get out of the shower sweetheart". "NOOOOOOO. Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeam. I HAVEN'T WASHED MY FINGERS YEEEEEEET". Out. Of. Nowhere.
-Life as we know it has changed forever. Apart from my children wanting to live their lives naked. Nowt changed there then.
-Washing shopping is no longer a weird thing to do.
-Andy is more bearable than I thought. No one is more surprised than me that we haven't clouted each other with pans or arsenic'd each others ham butties. Well, unless he's doing it slowly.
-Having a nest swing in the garden is pretty much responsible for all household harmony. Apart from when there's a scrap about whose turn it is.
-There's nothing Andy won't Karcher. Including the kids.
-Life is both more complex and more simple. How is that even possible?
-Gin. Saves. Lives.
-On that note. The thing pitched as effective against COVID-19 is essentially quinine. Quinine is in tonic water. Gin and Tonic. Go forth, and drink good people. You're welcome.
So in summary, we've survived it. Well, self isolation anyway. And in part, dare I say, kind of enjoyed it. But the only thing that changes now is that we can embrace the thrill of doing our own shopping rather than begging someone else to do it for us. We've no idea what happens next, what we'll do for work, how long before we can operate our businesses again...but as long as we can eat (fricking loads as it turns out) drink (don't ask) and keep the kids smiling, we'll be OK.
We all have a collective job to do here, and that's really simple...just get through it as best we can. Stay safe friends, and in the words of my favourite four year old; stay the f**k at home.
Quick question...have you got any flour?